I Deserve to be Happy

“Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God!  Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him.”

1 John 3:1


“The boys you like will not like you because you are too fat,” said a close family member.  That statement devastated me. I tried to wipe the tears away quickly but they were coming down too fast.  The person saw my reaction and they said, “the truth hurts, get skinny.”


I spent many years after that, feeling depressed and worthless.  I tried my best to make myself invisible.  If I was thinner, only then I would be allowed to be happy. In the rare times that I would laugh or start to enjoy myself, the enemy would divert my attention to a thin woman with a handsome boyfriend or husband.  Then those words would come back and haunt me. I wouldn’t let myself be happy until I lost weight. But it never happened.


I abused my body by starving then binging.  Exercising for 3-hour walks and I could barely move.  While I was suffering through those hours-long walks on the beach when I saw a young woman on the beach in her bikini.  I wanted to jump off the cliff and hurl myself into the ocean, so the pain would stop.  Then I heard a voice, “that doesn’t matter to me.” It was so loud and clear.  I turned around and no one was there. I thought, great, now I am going crazy. But I knew down deep it was God. God loving me, loving his child, his creation.


It was the first time in a long time, I felt some peace.  I knew I needed to take better care of myself physically but to also take care of my soul.  When you are a sensitive person, it is hard to let go of nasty words or comments, especially from people who are supposed to love you unconditionally.  A lot of people in this world treat thinner and beautiful people better. But there is a large majority of people who couldn’t care less what I looked like.  We can discuss shaming people until we are blue in the face, but people still won’t get how wrong it is to degrade someone over their looks. So, we must see ourselves as God sees us.


I wish I could say I don’t care what people think, but I still do.  I am happy to say it doesn’t affect me as much as it used. God doesn’t want us thinking we are junk.  We are His children. He loves us so much. And He has opened my eyes to see how much love there is for me.  No matter our circumstance, we still deserve to be happy and experience joy every day.


Lesson Learned: We are all children of God, deserving of love and acceptance.


“Dear Heavenly Father, forgive me for falling for the standards of this world.  Help me to forgive those that say horrible things about me. Let me know my value.  Thank you for loving me. Help me be healthy in body, mind, and spirit. Break those strongholds that have been ruining my life and replace them with your strength and love.  In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!”

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